~* Sign Your Name in the Eternal Ledger of Souls *~
SIGN THE GUESTBOOK • THE UNIVERSE WILL REMEMBER YOU • WE WILL REMEMBER YOU • WE WILL REMEMBER YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS • WE WILL USE IT •
The Sacred Guestbook
You have arrived at the guestbook. The guestbook is eternal. The guestbook is also a mailing list. The guestbook is also a binding spiritual contract. By signing the guestbook, you agree to receive blessings, newsletters, and at least three emails about our annual chakra sale. You may unsubscribe at any time. The universe will not unsubscribe. The universe has no unsubscribe button. We checked.
Sign below. Be honest. Be open. Be aware that your entry will be reviewed by the Sacred Council of Guestbook Moderation, which is a man named Gary who works from a shed in Wolverhampton. Gary is wise. Gary is patient. Gary deletes entries he does not like. Gary is the bouncer of the spiritual realm. Gary does not explain himself.
Recent Entries from Enlightened Souls
~ 42 souls have signed. 38 were approved by Gary. 4 were lost to the void. ~
Moonbeam Starcrusher — Sedona, Arizona Posted: 1998-03-14 at 04:20 AM
I came to this site a skeptic and left as a believer. My aura was red when I arrived and by the time I finished reading the crystal page it was... still red. But I FEEL different. That has to count for something. I have ordered 7 rose quartz and one crystal skull. The skull whispers to me at night. I think it is saying my credit card number.
Gary's Note: Approved. The skull does whisper. The skull is a recording device. We do not endorse what it records. — Gary
Derek from Accounting — Wolverhampton Posted: 1998-03-12 at 09:15 AM
I was looking for a kettle on the internet and somehow ended up here. I do not know what a chakra is. I do not want to know what a chakra is. But the flame animation is nice. My wife likes the spider. We have bookmarked it. We do not know why.
Gary's Note: Derek. I know you. You owe me a tenner from the pub quiz. Pay up or I delete your entry. — Gary
Starchild Omega — The Fifth Dimension (also known as Croydon) Posted: 1998-03-10 at 11:33 PM
THIS IS NOT A GUESTBOOK. THIS IS A PORTAL. I STEPPED THROUGH AND NOW I AM ON THE OTHER SIDE. EVERYTHING IS GREEN TEXT ON BLACK. I THINK I AM INSIDE THE WEBSITE. SEND HELP. SEND CRYSTALS. SEND A MODEM.
Gary's Note: Approved. We have had this complaint before. Please refresh your browser. You are not inside the website. You are in Croydon. Croydon is not the fifth dimension. It just feels that way. — Gary
Sister Agnes of the Perpetual Incense — A convent, obviously Posted: 1998-03-08 at 06:00 AM
I found this site through a webring. I was looking for prayer resources. I found prayers, yes, but also a pricing structure. I am concerned that the Prayer of Abundance mentions cup sizes. I am also concerned that the Prayer of Not Being Asked For Money has been redacted. I am praying for the soul of whoever made this website. I am also praying for Gary.
Gary's Note: Approved. Sister Agnes, your prayers are noted and filed. I do not need prayer. I need a holiday. — Gary
XenuTheGreat — A volcano (allegedly) Posted: 1998-03-05 at 03:33 AM
You guys are amateurs. I have been running a spiritual empire for 75 million years. Your pricing structure is too transparent. Mine is hidden in 14 levels of hierarchy. Also your flame gif is only 8 frames. Mine is 12. Consider this constructive feedback from a fellow spiritual professional.
Gary's Note: Approved. We welcome feedback from all spiritual professionals, including those who claim to be 75 million years old and live in volcanoes. Gary does not judge. Gary moderates. — Gary
Concerned Skeptic — Reality Posted: 1998-03-03 at 02:14 PM
None of this is real. Crystals are rocks. Auras are not a thing. Karma is just cause and effect with extra steps. The Third Eye is a gland, not a window. You are selling nothing to people who need something. This is exploitation. I have reported this site to the relevant authorities.
Gary's Note: Approved. The relevant authorities have also signed the guestbook. They ordered three crystals and a karma cleanse. Their case number is 0001337. — Gary
Lady Crystalwind Moonflower — Between the veils (Glastonbury) Posted: 1998-02-28 at 07:77 PM
The moment I opened this page my third eye opened, my root chakra vibrated, and my cat ran away. I believe this is a sign. I have already purchased the Moldavite (400) and the Crystal Skull (250). My bank has called twice. I told them the universe provides. The bank said the universe does not cover overdraft fees. Can you confirm?
Gary's Note: Approved. The universe does not cover overdraft fees. The universe does not have a banking license. We suggest purchasing Black Tourmaline for protection from your bank manager. — Gary
Brenda — Hull Posted: 1998-02-25 at 10:42 AM
Nice site. Do you do gift vouchers?
Gary's Note: Approved. Brenda, we do gift vouchers. They are available in denominations of 50, 100, and "enlightenment" (price: enlightenment). The enlightenment vouchers are the most popular and the least redeemed. — Gary
Guestbook Rules (As Dictated By Gary)
No HTML in the message field. The sacred guestbook does not render your marquees. Gary has seen enough marquees.
No links to other spiritual websites. This is not a flea market. This is our flea market.
No negative energy. If you must express negative energy, please purchase the Black Tourmaline first and then try again.
Entries are reviewed within 3-5 business eternities. Do not contact Gary directly. Gary will contact you. Gary always finds you.
By signing the guestbook, you acknowledge that your soul's email address may be used for marketing purposes across all dimensions, timelines, and reincarnations.
Gary is not a real guru. Gary is not a fake guru. Gary is Gary. Do not ask Gary what Gary is. Gary does not know. Gary is comfortable with this.
