Shamanic Shopping: A Buyer's Guide to the Spirit World
Shamanism is the oldest spiritual practice in the world. It is older than religion. It is older than civilisation. It is older than the internet, which is saying something, because the internet feels very old, especially when it takes 45 seconds to load a single page on a 56k modem. We are not complaining about the modem. We are grateful for the modem. The modem is how you are reading this. The modem is the bridge between worlds. The shaman's drum is also a bridge between worlds. The modem is faster. But the drum has better ambiance.
Shamanism, in its traditional form, is a practice found in indigenous cultures across the world, from Siberia to the Amazon, from Mongolia to the Inuit peoples of the Arctic. A shaman enters a trance state, usually through drumming, chanting, or plant medicines, and journeys to the spirit world to retrieve information, healing, or guidance for their community. This is a real practice with real cultural roots that go back thousands of years. What we are doing on this website is not that. What we are doing is selling you the spiritual equivalent of a souvenir from a place you have never been. But the souvenir is very nice. The souvenir comes with a certificate. The certificate has a wolf on it.
The Shamanic Journey (A Guided Tour of the Spirit World, 90)
The shamanic journey has three destinations:
- The Lower World: This is where you meet your power animal. The Lower World is not "lower" in a bad way. It is lower in a geographical way. You go down. Through a hole in the earth. Through a tree root, or a cave, or a tunnel. You descend until you emerge in a landscape. The landscape is always beautiful. The landscape is always wild. The landscape is always populated by exactly one animal, which is your power animal, and which is always a wolf. We will discuss the wolf problem shortly.
- The Upper World: This is where you meet your spirit guides and teachers. The Upper World is above. You go up. Through the clouds, through the sky, through the stratosphere, through the mesosphere, through the thermosphere, and then you arrive in a place that looks like a really nice hotel lobby. Your spirit guide is there. Your spirit guide is usually a wise old man, a woman in white robes, or a glowing orb. The glowing orb does not say much. The wise old man says things that are vague enough to be profound. The woman in white robes charges by the session.
- The Middle World: This is the spirit version of the regular world. You journey here to find lost objects, check on people, or do "spiritual reconnaissance." The Middle World is exactly like the regular world but slightly more transparent and slightly less useful. If you lost your keys in the regular world, you can journey to the Middle World to look for them. They will not be there either. But you will have journeyed, and the journey is the point, and the journey is 90.
The Wolf Problem
We need to talk about the power animal situation. In our experience, which spans approximately 4,000 shamanic journey sessions conducted over the last three years, the following statistics apply:
| Power Animal | Frequency | What It Means |
|---|---|---|
| Wolf | 62% | You are loyal, independent, and a natural leader. Like everyone else. |
| Eagle | 18% | You see the big picture. Like everyone else. |
| Bear | 10% | You are strong and protective. Like everyone else. |
| Owl | 5% | You are wise. Like everyone else. |
| Deer | 3% | You are gentle. Like everyone else. |
| Fox | 1.5% | You are clever. Like everyone else. |
| Pigeon | 0% | Nobody's power animal is a pigeon. Ever. |
| Rat | 0% | Nobody's power animal is a rat. |
| Wasp | 0% | Nobody's power animal is a wasp. |
| Earthworm | 0% | Nobody's power animal is an earthworm. |
The absence of pigeons, rats, wasps, and earthworms is telling. The spirit world, apparently, only contains charismatic megafauna. Nobody journeys to the Lower World and meets a slug. Nobody's power animal is a mosquito. Nobody is guided through the spiritual realm by atapeworm. This is because the power animal is not assigned by the spirit world. The power animal is assigned by the journeyer's imagination, and the journeyer's imagination has been shaped by a lifetime of nature documentaries, fantasy novels, and Wolf T-shirt calendars. You do not meet a wolf because the wolf is your spirit guide. You meet a wolf because the wolf is cool and you would like to be the kind of person who has a wolf as a spirit guide. The wolf is a projection. The wolf is a mirror. The wolf is you, wearing fur, looking noble.
If you want to know your actual power animal, it is probably a pigeon. The pigeon is everywhere. The pigeon adapts to any environment. The pigeon survives on discarded chips and sheer determination. The pigeon does not need a spirit guide because the pigeon is its own spirit guide. The pigeon is the most spiritually advanced animal on the planet. But no one wants a pigeon. So we give you a wolf. The wolf is 90. The pigeon is free. We charge for the wolf because the wolf is what you want. We are giving you what you want. This is called "customer service" in the spiritual economy.
The Plant Medicine Menu
No shamanic practice is complete without plant medicine. We offer the following plant medicines, none of which we are legally permitted to sell, and all of which we describe in terms vague enough to avoid prosecution:
- Sacred Tobacco: For grounding. Not for smoking. For blowing smoke in the direction of things you want to cleanse. The smoke goes in the direction of the wind. The wind does not care about your intention. The wind is wind.
- Sacred Coca Leaf: For altitude sickness. We do not sell this. We are just mentioning it. If you happen to find some, the spirit world recommends it. The spirit world is not a licensed pharmacist.
- Sacred Ayahuasca: For seeing the universe. We do not sell this either. We do, however, sell a 350 weekend retreat in a yurt where you will drink herbal tea, listen to a man named Paul play the didgeridoo for six hours, and have a "breakthrough" that is indistinguishable from mild dehydration and sleep deprivation. Paul is very good at the didgeridoo. Paul is not a shaman. Paul is from Reading.
- Sacred Sage: For smudging. This one we do sell. 8 per bundle. The sage is from a farm in California. The farm is not sacred. The sage is just sage. But we call it "sacred sage" and the price goes up by 4. This is the Law of Sacred Markup, which is the only law on this website that we actually enforce.
The Shamanic Toolkit (Everything You Need, 180)
To practice shamanism at home, you need the following items:
- A drum. The drum should be a frame drum, ideally hand-painted with a wolf on it. The wolf is not your power animal. The wolf is a decoration. But the decoration helps you journey, because the decoration reminds you of what you are supposed to see, and then you see it. This is called "priming" in psychology and "spiritual practice" in shamanism. The drum is 65.
- A rattle. The rattle is for shaking. The shaking creates rhythm. The rhythm induces trance. The trance induces visions. The visions are a wolf. The rattle is 25.
- A blindfold. You journey with your eyes closed or covered. The blindfold helps. The blindfold is also useful for not seeing the price of the drum. The blindfold is 8.
- A journal. You write down what you saw. You saw a wolf. You write "wolf." The journal is 12. The journal has 200 pages. You will use 3 of them. The rest will remain empty, like your past life memories, which are also mostly empty but feel very full.
- An intention. The intention is free. The intention is the only free thing in the toolkit. The intention is also the only thing that matters. But it does not cost money, so we do not emphasize it. We emphasize the drum.
The Cultural Appropriation Question (Which We Will Answer Very Carefully)
Some people ask whether it is appropriate for a white person from Solihull to practice shamanism, which is a tradition rooted in indigenous cultures that have been oppressed, colonised, and systematically stripped of their land and practices for centuries. This is a good question. We take it very seriously. We take it so seriously that we have written a 2,000-word response that says nothing and resolves nothing, which is available for 15 as a PDF download. The PDF has a wolf on the cover. The wolf is looking at you. The wolf is judging you. The wolf is a jpeg. The wolf does not have an opinion. But the wolf looks like it does, and that is enough.
We respect indigenous cultures. We respect them so much that we have named our retreat centre "The Sacred Wolf Lodge," which is not a real lodge, it is a yurt in Paul's back garden. Paul's back garden is in Reading. Reading is not a sacred site. But the yurt is round, and round things are sacred, and we charge accordingly.
The Final Journey
Shamanism, at its core, is about connection. Connection to nature, to spirit, to community, to something larger than yourself. This is a beautiful idea. It is also an idea that does not require a 65 drum, a 25 rattle, a 12 journal, or a 350 weekend in Paul's yurt. It requires going outside. It requires paying attention. It requires sitting under a tree and being quiet. The tree is free. The quiet is free. The attention is free. None of these things are on our shop page. None of these things generate revenue. This is why we do not recommend them. We recommend the drum. We always recommend the drum. The drum has a wolf on it. The wolf is 65. The wolf is watching. The wolf is always watching. The wolf is a projection of your own desire to be something nobler than a person who spent 65 on a drum with a wolf on it. But the drum sounds nice. And sounding nice is, in the end, what everything on this website is about.