The Law of Attraction: Or, How to Blame Yourself for Everything
The Law of Attraction is the most powerful force in the universe, more powerful than gravity, more powerful than electromagnetism, and significantly more powerful than your ability to pay rent. According to the Law of Attraction, your thoughts create your reality. If you think positive thoughts, positive things will happen to you. If you think negative thoughts, negative things will happen. If you think about a sandwich, a sandwich will appear. The sandwich does not appear. But the thinking is very soothing, and the soothing is what we sell.
The Secret (Which Is Not a Secret and Also Not a Law)
The Law of Attraction was popularised by a book called "The Secret," which revealed that the universe is a cosmic catalogue and you can order anything you want by thinking about it hard enough. The book sold 30 million copies. The author became very wealthy. The readers did not. This is because the Law of Attraction works perfectly for the person selling the Law of Attraction, and somewhat less perfectly for the person buying it. This is the actual secret. The secret is that the secret is a product. The product is the secret. You are buying the secret of how to buy the secret. It is a closed loop. The loop is very profitable. The loop does not require a sandwich.
"The universe is a giant vending machine. You put in positive thoughts and the universe dispenses your desires." — A person who has never used a vending machine
How the Law of Attraction Works (According to People Who Sell It)
The mechanism is simple. So simple, in fact, that it does not hold up to any scrutiny whatsoever, which is why we recommend not scrutinising it. Here is the process:
- Step 1: Ask. Tell the universe what you want. The universe is listening. The universe is always listening. The universe has no ears but it is listening anyway. Speak clearly. The universe does not understand mumbling.
- Step 2: Believe. Believe you already have what you want. If you want a car, believe you have a car. If you do not have a car, believe harder. If you still do not have a car, you did not believe hard enough. The car company also believes you should pay them. The car company believes harder than you.
- Step 3: Receive. Receive what you asked for. If you do not receive it, you did not ask correctly, or you did not believe enough, or Mercury was in retrograde, or you had a karmic block, or you were not aligned, or you thought about the wrong thing for 3 seconds on a Tuesday. The reasons are infinite. The result is the same: it is your fault.
The Problem With the Law of Attraction
The Law of Attraction has one small flaw, which is that it is not a law. A law is a principle that holds consistently under all conditions. Gravity is a law. If you drop a rock, it falls, every time, regardless of what the rock is thinking. The Law of Attraction does not hold consistently. If it did, every person who thought "I hope I do not get sick" would never get sick. They get sick. They are then told they were thinking about sickness, which is why they got sick. This is called "blaming the victim," and it is the foundation of the entire manifestation industry.
If a child starves, the Law of Attraction says the child attracted starvation through negative thinking. If a building collapses, the Law of Attraction says the people inside attracted the collapse. If a war breaks out, the Law of Attraction says the citizens collectively manifested the war. This is not spirituality. This is cruelty dressed in spiritual clothing. The clothing is very nice. The clothing is organic cotton. The clothing is cruelty underneath. But the clothing sells well, so the clothing stays.
The Confirmation Bias Engine
The Law of Attraction works through a mechanism known in psychology as "confirmation bias." You think positive thoughts. Something positive happens. You attribute the positive thing to your positive thoughts. Something negative happens. You forget about it, or you attribute it to a moment of negative thinking, or you say "the universe is testing me." You remember the hits. You forget the misses. After a few weeks, you are certain the Law of Attraction is real. This is the same mechanism that makes people believe in lucky socks, horoscopes, and the idea that their cat understands them.
We at Brainfucky are aware of confirmation bias. We use it extensively. Every time something good happens to one of our clients, we remind them it was because of our crystals, our readings, or our workshops. Every time something bad happens, we remind them it was because they did not buy enough crystals, readings, or workshops. The system is perfect. The system is self-reinforcing. The system is also a well-documented cognitive bias, but we call it "spiritual alignment" because it sounds better and costs more.
The Manifestation Shopping List
Here is what you can manifest, according to the Law of Attraction, and here is what actually happens:
| You Want | You Manifest | You Get |
|---|---|---|
| A new car | Positive car thoughts | An Uber |
| Wealth | Abundance mindset | A 200 workbook about abundance |
| Love | Open heart visualisation | A dating app match who ghosts you |
| Health | Healing affirmations | A doctor's appointment you should have made months ago |
| Peace | Inner stillness | A meditation app subscription that auto-renews |
| A parking space | "I am parked" mantra | A parking space, sometimes, because you drove around long enough |
The Logical Conclusion (Which No One Draws)
If the Law of Attraction were real, the following would also be true:
- Children would manifest toys. They do not. They manifest tantrums, which is not the same thing.
- People in poverty would manifest wealth. They do not. Poverty is structural, not spiritual. But "structural" does not sell workshops.
- Every person who visualised winning the lottery would win the lottery. They do not. The odds are 1 in 14 million. The universe does not override probability. The universe respects the lottery commission.
- No one would ever get sick, because no one wants to be sick. People get sick anyway. This is because illness is caused by biology, not by thinking about illness. Biology does not read self-help books.
- The people selling the Law of Attraction would not need to sell it, because they would have manifested enough money to stop working. They have not stopped working. They are still selling. Draw your own conclusions. We cannot draw them for you. We are busy selling.
What Actually Works
Positive thinking has benefits. Optimism correlates with better health outcomes. A hopeful mindset can improve resilience. These are real findings from real psychology. They do not require crystals, chakras, or 200 workshops. They require reasonable expectations, social support, and occasionally a therapist. A therapist costs about the same as a aura reading. The therapist has credentials. The aura reader has a lava lamp. We recommend the therapist. We also recommend the aura reading. We recommend everything. We are a recommendation engine. The engine runs on your credit card.
The Law of Attraction is not a law. It is a hope. Hope is human. Hope is good. But hope sold as a law is a product, and a product sold as a law is a scam, and a scam sold with a smile is still a scam. We smile. We sell. We are honest about being dishonest, which is the most honest thing on this website, and also the most dishonest, and we are comfortable with this paradox, because paradox is our business model.